Peeling It Off

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If I could peel off


Of hurt, shame, and


I’d be an empty


I am the force


These things which has


Me who and what I



The Silent Sufferer-IV


When I would get home from work, mentally drained and exhausted, I would drink vodka to numb my brain. This was my way of dealing with the dysfunction in my life behind closed doors. It didn’t help, it only made things worst. Nevertheless, it eased the pain and I could be a little more tolerant. I suppose you could classify me as a functioning alcoholic.

Life with Monster was an endless loop of misery for me. Years flashed before my eyes, and I was still in the same predicament.

By this time Monster had been in and out of rehabilitation facilities several times. He would stay clean, attend meetings, and hold down a job for at least 6 months, and relapse.

I would take vacation and escape to the Caribbean, once a year with a female co-worker.

Monster never had an issue with me travelling without him. This left him to do as he pleased; which he did anyway, but he didn’t have to bicker with me.

I planned a cruise with 2 co-workers and I was going to take my daughter. She had never travelled before and we were all excited and looking forward to the trip.

Fast forward>>>>July 2011

It was the second day we were out to sea that Monster began calling my cell phone. Many times I was unreachable because either there was no signal or my phone was in the cabin.

When he was able to contact me, he accused me of being laid up with someone, and not being on a cruise. He was a lunatic. Cursing, screaming, yelling, and demanding I return home…..Now!

Yeah right, I was going to jump off of a cruise liner and swim the Atlantic Ocean…really?

I’d call him an ass-hole and hang up on him. He started to call our daughter and accuse her of helping me be with other men. She became upset and started to cry.

This was the eye-opener for me. I put up with enough, but when it comes to hurting my children, that’s not going to happen. I took the phone from her, and told Monster he was not going to ruin the vacation for us. I told my daughter to turn off her phone. I turned mine off too.

I told my daughter that I was going to leave Monster, and she supported me in my decision. We enjoyed the cruise and didn’t think about what we had to deal with when we returned to New Jersey.

1:02 PM

Vera Robinson © 2014



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