It’s not a home when you live alone
The walls suffocate me, holding me captive
My thoughts explode stirring the pot of emotions
An eruption of lust, a blinding spark of madness
I want testosterone in this home
I try to release myself from these mental self-induced
Self-indulging thoughts of pity, I long to escape
Life, loneliness, aging, and dying…alone..
The what ifs, and if only…..
Am I to spend the rest of life being alone?
And inevitably be lonely?
The quietness is a haunting melody
Playing a melon collie tune, from a harp in late afternoon
Each ping on a string breaks my heart
It falls apart, like a wilted rose
Red petals bleeding, saturated with red tears
Can you tell them apart?
They lay splattered between my feet
The air is stagnant; I choke on the gut-wrenching thought
Another cold winter, in a cold bed
I must get this craziness out of my head
If I sleep, when I wake, I will be in my humble abode
Blessed with another day to walk, travel, and play
I wish I knew His plan
11:18 AM
Susan P
Aug 15, 2013 @ 11:48:25
How many of us wish to know His plan? I do at times. Let Him hold you close to His heart.
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Ms. Vee
Aug 15, 2013 @ 11:59:05
I certainly will. I am in a much better place. I thank God everyday for my blessings. I don’t think I will ever get used to living alone. Life goes on, and I will stay strong. 🙂
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Susan P
Aug 15, 2013 @ 15:07:25
I don’t blame you for not wanting to live alone. My husband has been working several jobs just to keep us going. I am unable to work due to disabilities. There are weeks when I see him very little and I cherish every moment together. We are not young anymore.
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Ms. Vee
Aug 15, 2013 @ 15:21:04
I understand. God bless him. It has been two years this month, I left my husband. We were married 37 years. I am not divorced, but I am going to make it official. I have never lived alone before. I plan on writing a memoir, after I am divorced. I lived in hell, but I am free. 🙂 Thank you for your comments, you are a kind person Susan.
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Susan P
Aug 15, 2013 @ 15:24:05
Thank you for sharing your heart with me. I will lift you and your situation up to Papa for healing.
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Ms. Vee
Aug 15, 2013 @ 15:25:28
Thank you very much. 🙂 I feel better already.
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kalabalu
Aug 15, 2013 @ 12:01:23
bless you
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Ms. Vee
Aug 15, 2013 @ 12:08:36
Thank you!
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Nancy Bell
Aug 15, 2013 @ 17:44:41
As you live and move and have your being, you may learn to gather loves easily. THE ONE LOVE that continues to elude you is what you seek, seemingly, as conveys your poem. You must remember that no one will be a compliment to anyone else until they first feel complete within themselves. Finding people to share your life with will not be hard and as you become more involved with others, you will find yourself meeting new people. Expand your opportunities to share the vast and valuable experience that you have gained, and in doing so, you will find that you are not alone. You will also find a larger group of people from whom to choose your pursuit of building a love with one special person. Keep your hope. Use your strength, and never falter in your faith.
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Ms. Vee
Aug 15, 2013 @ 18:48:08
Thank you for your words of wisdom. They truly inspire me. I guess I needed to hear someone say this. I rarely feel sorry for myself. My blessing a many, and I am grateful for everything! 🙂
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A String Of Emotions | insanium emotions
Aug 15, 2013 @ 17:57:00
vampwriterblog
Aug 17, 2013 @ 00:27:00
After my 20+ years in the military, I also worked for the State Prison System as a development specialist writing treatment programs and as a psychologist. It is so true, many women stay in bad situations because they feel trapped by a lack of job skills, education or perhaps to keep children supported. It sounds like you have made the right move to break free and live a life filled with possibilities – my best wishes to you and every woman looking to improve their lives!
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Ms. Vee
Aug 17, 2013 @ 18:43:56
Thank you for your encouraging words.
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