Too Many Questions???




What is it that makes us feel


Why can’t we see the


Within ourselves when we look


The mirror?

Why is the reflection


When there is light in the


Why hide in the


And not rejoice and

Spread love

In the light of the


Why not do


10:40 PM

Vera Robinson © 2014

The Silent Sufferer-V


Upon returning to New Jersey, and powering on my cell phone, It immediately started to ring. Monster was talking sensible, and asking me to come home so we could talk.

My son-in-law told me not to go home; against my better judgment, I decided to return home. We got to the house, and it was a trashed. Dirty dishes were piled in the sink; there was a hole in the bathroom wall. The bedroom curtains were on the floor. It looked like a tornado had demolished the inside of the home.

I told Monster that we would check into a motel for the evening, and come back the next day, and clean. At the motel around midnight he started questioning me about the cruise, and going through my cell. I was exhausted and not in the mood for his innuendos; rather bull-shit. Monster had an evil look in his eyes. It was pure hatred. I was frightened. My intuition warned me to get away from Monster, and not go back!

When he threw my phone at me, I called my daughter at 3:00 am, and told them to come get me. I left the motel with them with an overnight bag.

I went to their house, and the next day he called and was threatening to all of us. That evening he came to the house and demanded that I either come outside, or let him inside so that he could talk to me. My daughter called the police. One officer spoke to him, and the other came inside to talk to me. I told him the history of Monster; he looked at me and said “divorce him”. Monster was ordered to leave the property, which he did. He didn’t want to be incarcerated.

I stayed with my daughter for 2 nights. I called a friend in Delaware and told her about my predicament. She came to pick me up the same day; I left with the clothes on my back, and several toiletries. I stayed with her for 6 weeks, rented a condo in the same development, and have lived here ever since.

Next week>>>Out of state, but the saga continues.

3:02 PM

Vera Robinson © 2014




Wordless Wednesday


Photo taken by  Ms. Vee 7-24-14

Photo taken by
Ms. Vee



Healing begins when the pain ceases to


Slowly the hidden wounds regenerated and the


Is scar tissue, there is no


To inwardly ugliness that


Deep inside the shell of


It will forever reside




The spirit thrives seeking


Of God, oneself, and of


Peace and blessings!

5:20 PM

Vera Robinson © 2014

It’s At Rest


It took a torrential downpour


Douse the fire burning


♥My heart ♥


Then could I find


Tranquil resting place





5:08 PM

Vera Robinson © 2014

The Silent Sufferer-IV


When I would get home from work, mentally drained and exhausted, I would drink vodka to numb my brain. This was my way of dealing with the dysfunction in my life behind closed doors. It didn’t help, it only made things worst. Nevertheless, it eased the pain and I could be a little more tolerant. I suppose you could classify me as a functioning alcoholic.

Life with Monster was an endless loop of misery for me. Years flashed before my eyes, and I was still in the same predicament.

By this time Monster had been in and out of rehabilitation facilities several times. He would stay clean, attend meetings, and hold down a job for at least 6 months, and relapse.

I would take vacation and escape to the Caribbean, once a year with a female co-worker.

Monster never had an issue with me travelling without him. This left him to do as he pleased; which he did anyway, but he didn’t have to bicker with me.

I planned a cruise with 2 co-workers and I was going to take my daughter. She had never travelled before and we were all excited and looking forward to the trip.

Fast forward>>>>July 2011

It was the second day we were out to sea that Monster began calling my cell phone. Many times I was unreachable because either there was no signal or my phone was in the cabin.

When he was able to contact me, he accused me of being laid up with someone, and not being on a cruise. He was a lunatic. Cursing, screaming, yelling, and demanding I return home…..Now!

Yeah right, I was going to jump off of a cruise liner and swim the Atlantic Ocean…really?

I’d call him an ass-hole and hang up on him. He started to call our daughter and accuse her of helping me be with other men. She became upset and started to cry.

This was the eye-opener for me. I put up with enough, but when it comes to hurting my children, that’s not going to happen. I took the phone from her, and told Monster he was not going to ruin the vacation for us. I told my daughter to turn off her phone. I turned mine off too.

I told my daughter that I was going to leave Monster, and she supported me in my decision. We enjoyed the cruise and didn’t think about what we had to deal with when we returned to New Jersey.

1:02 PM

Vera Robinson © 2014



The Silent Sufferer-III


Photo credit

Photo credit

I took refuge inside my dreams when Monster would appear, after being on a binge of smoking crack. He would crash for most of the day, or night. When he was slowly trying to recall what planet he was on, he would be ravenous and dehydrated.

It was at this point during his relapse he started plummeting into the belly of hell. I often asked myself why he want to take me with him. The answer eluded me; but I knew I wasn’t going to go with him. I was living in his hell on Earth.

Inevitably Monster started going in my purse and stealing my cash. He held down a job, off and on, but his money was gone before he got it. Crack on credit is what I called it. I had to resort to  hiding money, if I wanted to keep any. He would ask, beg, and plead for money and I would say no. This made him become irate. Monster would call me a bitch, and accuse me of sleeping with his friends. If I wasn’t having sex with him, it had to be with somebody. Yes it was, but it sure as hell wasn’t with any drug addict.

He would break items; destroy things that he knew I liked. Just go berserk. I’d sleep with a serrated knife under the mattress. If his madness became violent, I wasn’t going down without a fight.

I deserved an Emmy Award. I went on with my life, as if everything was fine. I kept everything that I was going through to myself. The pit of my stomach was rotting away; little by little each day.

I started drinking…vodka!

12:25 PM

Vera Robinson © 2014

I pray your dreams be peaceful

Not nightmares of






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